So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
