It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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