pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
