we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
