Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize