i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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