porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
