Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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