sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
