You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
