Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
