okay pat passed out under dana's car
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if only i could text you this smell
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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