i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
