You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
