I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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