i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
