This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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