I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
