Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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