i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
