conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
