i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
