I'm so fucking centered right now
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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