No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
