so explain again why im purple
no
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
