I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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