I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
