Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
