They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
