Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
