i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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