I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
