its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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