Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
