you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
