I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
