How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize