I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
