Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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