carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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