he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize