then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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