He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
