something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
