You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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