I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
