i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
