if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize