Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
