college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I smell like Dick and happiness
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
