can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
