Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize