To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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