I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
