We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
