We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
