Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
