having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We were destined to go to rehab together
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
