1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
