Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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