how can u be prego again
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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