Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
