What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
