Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
