So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize