Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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