he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The struggles of a small town man whore
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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