i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
