i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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