why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
