I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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