Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
