remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
