How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Less talking, more tequila
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
