I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
where am i from again
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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