Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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