I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
