I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
