Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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