I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
