All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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