It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
