Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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