Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
