You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize