Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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