id be glad to
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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