break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
