I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
