I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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