At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
