I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
