you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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