a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
