Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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