I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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