is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
