All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize