Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
