omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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