the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
