So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
