Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
