I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
